'Stay Brave' with Hailey Leithauser
‘Stay Brave’ is an interview series by woman-identifying creatives for woman-identifying creatives to inspire bravery in the creative life. [Created and curated by Leah Umansky]
How do you interpret the phrase, "Stay Brave?"
Being quite the coward, that is a tough one. For me it would mean turning down the volume of the panic channels in my brain and taking that first step into whatever the hell is scaring me.
As a woman-identifying writer, what are the ways that you “stay brave” in your life?
Inside my writing is actually a very safe place to be, easy to feel brave in that lovely separation, the thin pages of paper flying out in my place to fight the bugaboos of the world.
Who is someone in your life who models “staying brave” for you?
There are so many wonderfully brave people out there, the first one who popped into my head just now was Greta Thunberg -- but then I suppose it's easier to be brave when you're young. My next thought was the women and men who first came out and marched and wrote and fought for LBGQT rights when there was nothing, no legal or social or familial or psychological support of any kind, no one to back them up, and decades and decades of the fight in front of them before even the beginning of progress. The mind boggles at their bravery.
What writers, artists, and/or musicians do you look to to foster a sense of “bravery?”
Seriously, all of them, but mostly the ones who are willing to work off-trend.
What’s a piece of advice you would pass on to your younger self about “staying brave?” What’s something you know now, that you didn’t know in the past?
Stop worrying about what other people think of you, don't be cowed by the opinions of others. You're only an infinitesimal part of the world and no one's going to be paying all that much attention if you fuck up.
Can you remember a time in your life where you realized your own bravery? How did you use it to propel you forward?
One of my greatest fears, almost a full-fledged phobia, is public speaking, I really struggle with panic when I have to get up and do a reading, but after Swoop came out, I felt I owed it to Graywolf and the Poetry Foundation to do my part in supporting the book. When I'd done my first dozen readings maybe. I had a new respect for myself: walking up to the podium with my heart pounding and my legs shaking and getting through it. Good for me every time!
What do you do when you aren’t feeling brave? What inspires you or motivates you?
I come from a long line of agoraphobics and I went through therapy for that years ago, so I do the deep breathing, positive thinking, all that sort of thing. I remember that I've gotten through these things before and think about how absolutely wonderful I will feel when whatever is frightening me is over with. And, also, I go back to my Buddhist thinking -- this is all an illusion anyway so who the hell cares.
In what ways would you like to be more brave in your creative life?
The fear of failure is always the big stumbling block to get over. That and the impossible looking mountain you have to start up when beginning something completeley new. I've had a novel in mind for years but haven't yet gotten up the nerve to type the first sentence.
What is your proudest moment of bravery?
My first poetry reading. It was at the 92nd Street Y in front of a large audience including my father. I was so frightened they had to send the next reader on in front of me but somehow, eventually, with the backstage film crew patting my hand and calming me down, I made it onto that stage and got through it. It still amazes me how terrified I was, hyperventilating, and still did it.
What are you currently working on?
A reorganization, re-assemblage of my new manuscript. It's been on the shelf for several years now while I write some new poems and rethink the direction it's going to take.
Thank you, Hailey!
Hailey Leithauser is the author or two books -- Swoop (Graywolf Press 2013) which won the Poetry Foundations' Emily Dickinson First Book Award and the Towson Prize for Literature, and Saint Worm (Able Must Press, 2019). She has worked countless jobs with varying degrees of success and failure, her last being Senior Reference Librarian at the Department of Energy. Now joyfully retired, she lives at the edge of a lovely wooded ravine in the Maryland suburbs of Washington DC and loves, above all else, to sleep as late as she wants.
Leah Umansky is the author of three books of poems, most recently the forthcoming OF TYRANT, (The Word Works in April, 2024.) She is currently working on a memoir Delicate Machine, an exploration of womanhood, hope, and heart in the face of grief and a global pandemic. She earned her MFA in Poetry at Sarah Lawrence College and has curated and hosted The COUPLET Reading Series in NYC since 2011. Her creative work can be found in such places as The New York Times, POETRY, The Bennington Review, Minyan Magazine, The Academy of American Poets' Poem-A-Day and others. She can be found at www.leahumansky.com or @leah.umansky on IG.